click to return homeDenny, Ranasha and nephew Sage Boone Chittick
library: fiction

Impetuous Newbie
Author: Kyle Chittick
Date: 05.14.2008

I joined the Internet today
"It's a must!", so they say
My friends advised I enter a class
Pride convinced me to give that a pass

I quickly secured an e-mail account
After I wondered, "What can't I surmount?"
It didn't take long for my inbox to fill
When I saw the results, I'll admit to a thrill

Diplomas to be had, no classes or tests
Creditors allayed, as easily as pests
Personal love matches, discount medication
Longer erections, a free vacation

A long lost relative left me some cash
An inheritance is mine, provided I'm rash
I wasn't aware I had an uncle abroad
I'll have to tell Mom, won't she be awed

Next I found eBay, my jaw dropped a notch
I sat back entranced, poured a neat scotch
A plethora of bargains, my mind was ablaze
Trinkets of every sort, my eyes began to glaze

"Where's my wallet?", I thought to myself
Frivolously unconcerned with my own wealth
I punched numbers feverishly until my mission was done
Then sat back content, full of aplomb

I've got packages coming from all over the planet
A Britney Spears undergarment, a statue of granite
I cleaned out my closet, a place in the yard
Depleted one bank account, maxed out a card

I don't mean to brag, nor be consumed by elation
Yet I am glad I ignored friends, forwent the education
I likely should save more, for some rainy day
But I worry not; my inheritance is on the way!

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